Hanuel
I sat on the edge of the bed while Hoseok held my hand. ‘You should be resting yeobo. You were shot too,’ he said, one eyebrow raised.
‘I was just sleeping,’ I replied with a shrug but he did not look convinced. He eyes me up and down and I frowned, knowing I looked exhausted. I knew I had bags under my eyes which were swollen and puffy.
‘You couldn’t have been sleeping for too long. Tell me the truth, how much did you sleep these past three days? And be honest!’ he said, pointing his finger at me.
I frowned, knowing it was useless to lie to him. He would see right through it. ‘Maybe ten hours,’ I said with another shrug.
‘Ten hours in three days Hauel! That’s not good, especially when you need to recover and rest yourself,’ he said, this time his voice serious and scolding. I gulped as I looked at him.
‘I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep when you still had not waken up,’ I admitted and he sighed. ‘I needed to know you’re okay,’ I added.
‘I’m okay. My whole chest area hurts but I’m okay,’ he said, squeezing my hand.
I looked down as I felt my eyes burn. I fought against the tears that were so stubborn. I failed as I felt a tear trickle down my cheek. Instantly, I felt Hoseok’s finger under my chin, lifting my head up.
‘Hey, hey sweetie, why are you crying?’ he asked as I looked at him. I felt more tears starting to rush down before I could stop them.
‘I was so scared I was going to lose you Hoseok,’ I said and he nodded. ‘I guess this is what you must have felt last time when I walked into that tank,’ I said and he sighed.
‘I had been absolutely terrified. I was going out of my mind with every second that passed and you were not breathing or responding to us,’ he said as he shivered. ‘Sometimes, I still get nightmares of it,’ he admitted and I nodded in response.
‘Why Hoseok? Why did you do it ha?!’ I said as I punched his arm.
‘Yah don’t hit me!’ he said as he rubbed at his arm. I knew he was trying to joke but I was just not in the mood as I looked at him. ‘Why? Because I love you Hanuel and I can’t live without you. I saw him about to shoot you and I just had to protect you,’ he said.
I took a deep breath as I held his hand once more. ‘You shouldn’t have tried to protect someone like me,’ I mumbled but I instantly heard him scoff.
‘Someone like you? You mean my wife who I love more than life itself?’ he asked and this time I sighed. ‘I love you Hanuel, more than words can say. You did the same for me so why shouldn’t I be able to do it for you?’ he asked and I shrugged.
‘Because, unlike you, I’m not a good person Hoseok. I just led a massacre in there,’ I said but he shook his head.
‘Against the people who attacked Ah-Chae in her home and killed her, who knocked out Wonho and who threatened to kill a child to get at me,’ he said.
He scooted closer to me as he cupped my face in his hands. ‘Hoseok, I…’ I began but he shook his head and smiled.
‘You say you’re not a good person, but that’s all I see in everything you do,’ he said. ‘You risked everything to keep Ah-Chae and Minho safe, three years ago, when you didn’t even know them. You’ve been punished for doing stuff like that but it never stopped you. So how can you say you’re not a good person when all I see is an angel?’ he asked.
I smiled as I placed my hands over his. I just looked at him and nodded. ‘I love you,’ I said and he smiled, widely.
‘I love you too yeobo,’ he said as he let go of my face but reached for my hand again.
‘There’s something I wanted to um, well clarify with you,’ I said, unsure how to start this conversation. ‘I just, I want to apologize for lying to you about Ah-Chae and Minho, for keeping it a secret, even though I knew how hurt you were about it,’ I said but he shook his head.
‘At first, I have to admit, I was a little angry, maybe disappointed too. I was confused as to why you wouldn’t tell me something so important. I hate that my first reaction was to shout at you,’ he said.
‘No, Hoseok, don’t. You were right to be angry at me and—’ I said but he squeezed my hand.
‘No, I wasn’t. I should have realised immediately that you had your reasons. I should have realised you would have kept it a secret because that is what was needed to be done,’ he said.
‘I had swore to her that I will keep it a secret as long as she told me to. I wanted to tell you so badly and whenever you talked to me about them, I felt this weight crushing on my chest,’ I admitted.
‘I know. Ah-Chae left a letter. She explained everything to me, from how it all started to how you always kept taking care of them. I owe you so much for what you did with them Hanuel,’ he said, getting emotional.
‘No, you don’t owe me anything. I didn’t do it for you, but for them,’ I said and he smiled. ‘She had become a close friend of mine,’ I said with a sad sigh.
‘We’re both feeling her loss, even if it might be differently. Let me be there for you as you grieve. Don’t let yourself be alone,’ he said and I nodded.
‘I won’t and you have to let me be there for you too, hmm?’ I asked as he nodded.
‘There’s something else I want to ask of you,’ he said and I nodded, letting him continue. ‘Will you take care of Minho with me? Will you be a mother to him?’ he asked.
I gasped as I looked at him. A torrent of feelings seemed to run through my body. I kept staring at him as I felt myself tear up all over again. When did I become such a cry baby? I cleared my throat which suddenly felt constricted.
‘Ar—are you sure you want me to be a …a mother to your son?’ I asked. He sighed, knowing my fears. ‘How can I be a good mother to him? I don’t know anything about motherhood?’ I asked.
‘I barely got to be a father Hanuel and I know it’s scary, but I know you’re perfect for him and Ah-Chae knew it too. She wanted you to be a mother to him too,’ he said. ‘Minho needs you in his life,’ he added.
I took a deep breath and nodded as I smiled. I had to do this – for Minho, for Hoseok, for Ah-Chae and for myself. Life was giving me a chance at being a mother, something I always craved for.
‘I will be a mother to him Hoseok,’ I said. He smiled brightly.
‘Good. Now come here. I miss your warmth,’ he said with a slight pout.
‘You’re injured, I don’t want to hurt you,’ I said but he shook his head.
‘You won’t hurt me. I’m bandaged but I’m not fragile or easily broken. So, come here and keep me warm,’ he said with a smile. I rolled my eyes and took off my shoes before I carefully climbed into his bed.
I laid down even more carefully but he quickly wrapped his arm around me and pulled me closer so I could rest my head on his chest.
‘Let’s rest my love,’ he said and I nodded as I dared to close my eyes. I felt him playing with my hair, relaxing me with his motions until I fell asleep.
